Counting the Nights

I connect to my body, to my eyes,
my breath quickens. Shoving my

eyelids open,
I’m awake.

I connect
to face washing, toothbrushing, undressing.

My eyelids flutter;
I feel my eyelashes tap the pillow,

I connect to my breath
as it slows, as it evens.

I sleep.
I connect to the needed blankness of sleep.

I connect to the colorful, noisy,
intrusive dreams,

disturbing, constant, confusing, unceasing.
These hours, this night,

this week, this month, all of my nights.
I scratch marks on the wall, next to my bed.

Five dreams tonight – one
tolerable, four horrendous.

Seven dreams (I wake up crying),
Next night three, I screamed myself awake.

I count the nights, tonight and every night. These days and nights,
weeks and months, this time, this year.

I count eight days of PassoverPassover is a major Jewish holiday that commemorates the Jewish people's liberation from slavery and Exodus from Egypt. Its Hebrew name is Pesakh. Its name derives from the tenth plague, in which God "passed over" the homes of the Jewish firstborn, slaying only the Egyptian firstborn. Passover is celebrated for a week, and many diaspora Jews celebrate for eight days. The holiday begins at home at a seder meal and ritual the first (and sometimes second) night. Jews tell the story of the Exodus using a text called the haggadah, and eat specific food (matzah, maror, haroset, etc).,
then forty-nine days of the OmerFrom the second day of Passover until Shavuot, Jews count seven weeks – seven times seven days – to commemorate the period between the Exodus from Egypt and the Revelation at Sinai. When the Temple stood, a certain measure (omer) of barley was offered on the altar each day; today, we merely count out the days..

This year – these dreams.
I keep counting.

I connect to my body. My breath quickens,
I open my eyes, awake.