Y'hi ratzon milfanaikh sh'khina y'karah she-bimromei m'romim-
shamri al nisui b'zikaron shalvah u-batach
v'hachazireini ha-shana l'chayim, u'lirfua k'rovah lavo,
r'fuat ha-nefesh u-r'fuat ha-guf.
hotzi'eini mimei nisui al tokh y'mei al'm'noti b'chemlah u-v'rachamim.
Adonai Elohei ha-rofei l'shivurei lev u-m'chaveshet l'atzvotam
shalmi n'chumim la'aveilim b'tokh beitam u'v' kerev libbam.
B'rukha Yah ba-yom, b'rukha Yah ba-lailah
b'rukha Yah b'kumi mei'aveiluti
b'rukha Yah b'shokhvi biy'surim u'vayagon.
Tzor'ri bitz'ror ha-chayim et nishmat ahuv libbi ha-ezer l'negdi____________.
Al tas'tiri panaikh mimeni! Elohai al t'achari!
Chizki v'imtzi libbi u-nishmati!
Pirsi alai sukkat sh'lomekh– l'ma'an eshkon sham ba-m'sa'i ze shel yagon viy'surim,
zikhronot v'ha-v'kot, chalomot u-valahot, ka'as u-kh'ev, tza'ar v'sinah, hatchadshut
osher v'shalom, hitgalut oz v'chayim.
Y'hi ratzon she-y'mei nisui yishk'ni b'tokhi khazikronot ahava, chom, osher, v'rei'ut.
Y'hi ratzon she-y'mei alm'noti yan'tzichu zikcronot eilu viy'sallu d'rachim chadashot–
Ba-d'rachei toratekha– b'ahava, chemla, anavah, v'shalom– amen.
Dearest Shekhina who resides on the highest of heights,
I beseech of you:
Preserve my marriage as a peaceful memory,
Restore me this year to life, to ongoing healing,
healing of the soul and the body.
Bring me out from the days of my marriage,
into the days of my widowhood with grace and compassion.
Adonai, my God who heals the broken hearted, and restores their bodies:
Bring consolations to the bereaved within their homes and their hearts.
God, blessed in day and in night,
blessed as I rise up from my formal mourning,
blessed as I lie down in my private torment and yearning:
Gather into eternal life the soul of my beloved, my soulmate, _________
Do not hide your presence from me! My God, do not tarry!
Strengthen my heart and give courage to my soul.
Spread over me the shelter of your peace, that I might reside there through this journey of pain and grief, memories and flashbacks, dreams and nightmares, anger and pain, heartache and hatred, renewed joy and peace rediscovered strength and livelihood.
May the days of my marriage remain for me memories of love, warmth, joy and friendship.
May the days of my widowhood continue to preserve these memories and create new paths – in the path of your Torah – with love, tolerance peace and humility. Amen.
Compiled in loving memory of my beloved husband, Cantor Joshua Gluckstern-Reiss, z"l, on the occasion of completing the recitation of kaddish. Josh died tragically on March 7, 1999, six months after being diagnosed with leukemia, and one month after a bone marrow transplant. His was a life of love, laughter, music, and fun. May his memory be an inspired blessing to us all. This kavanah is one attempt at understanding his death, and my journey of healing, within the Jewish context of our shared life, and with relationship to God.
Originally published in Kerem. Used by permission of the author.