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Havdalah after Losing a Baby

By Emanuel Banks

Light Havdalah candle and recite reading below:
As human beings, we are given times when we are confronted with sadness, when our day is not at its high point like the rest. As we begin this Havdalah ceremony, may we not make this a day of sadness, but a day of hope of the future and of not being afraid to let go. Even though our potential child is gone, we are comforted in knowing that our child's neshama, soul, is with God.

Lift cup and recite reading below and return cup to table afterwards, do not drink just yet:
The fruit of the vine is seen as a sign of joy. We drink at weddings, on holidays and festivals. But we should also remember that this ceremony of Havdalah is not one of sadness, but one of celebrating the fact that humans are given the gift of emotions. Emotions are a way of showing we have life, even in times when we want to end such a gift. As Jews, as people and as humans, we must remember not to hide of gift. Our gift of emotions. Its ok to laugh when we are sad, its ok to cry when we are happy. Remember, its ok.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, who creates the fruit of the vine.
Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha'olam, borei pri hagafen.

Lift the spices and recite reading and blessing:
A humans, we are given the gift of smelling. When we smell certain smells, it can in some ways bring peace to us. It can bring back wonderful memories and times of the past. May this time of smelling these spices be the smells of life. The smell that brings peace in times of sadness.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, who has given us various spices.
Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha'olam, borei minei b'samim.

Smell the spices, lift candle and recite blessing:
Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, who creates the light of fire.
Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha'olam, borei mi'orei ha'esh.

Separation Blessing:
In life, we are given times of joy, times of sadness, times of life and times of death, times to create and times to destroy. During this time, may we remember that in life, times like this come but that also leave and with time we find we can move on.

Blessed are you, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, who separates sadness from joy.
Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha'olam, hamavdil beyn tza'ar l'simcha.

Sip wine/grape juice

Recite Mourner's Kaddish:
Glorified and sanctified be God's great name throughout the world which He has created according to His will. May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days, and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon; and say, Amen.
May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.
Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.
May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.
He who creates peace in His celestial heights, may He create peace for us and for all Israel; and say, Amen.

Complete Ceremony

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