“More than the Jews have kept Shabbat, Shabbat has kept the Jews.” So says a talmudic dictum. Although Judaism is rich in ritual, text, and law, if any one thing defines the practice of Judaism today, it is probably the keeping of Shabbat. Sometimes I wonder how the rabbis could have anticipated a world of fax machines, palm pilots, cell phones, subways and computer and our desperate need for quiet and spaciousness amidst the roar of the workaday world, but they did. For 25 hours a week, we build an island in time; we turn off the noise and become human beings instead of human “doings.” On Shabbat, we let time unfold. There is time to sing and to nap, to make love and to talk without a deadline or goal. There is time to watch an inchworm ease its way up toward the leaf and time to jump in leaf piles. Shabbat enables us to reconnect to ourselves, to one another, and to God, and to appreciate our blessings.
The commandment to observe Shabbat appears as the fifth of the Ten Commandments. However, the wording in the Exodus rendition varies significantly from that in Deuteronomy. In Exodus 20:8, we are told that God made the heaven and earth on six days and rested on the seventh. We are enjoined to do the same – imitatio dei. In this earliest version, God speaks to us as children, as it were. By imitating God’s ways, we will learn how to be better human beings.
Moses’ reiteration of the Ten Commandments in Deuteronomy 5 takes place after the Israelites have spent 40 years in the wilderness. The generation who were slaves has died off, and a new generation is ready to enter the land of Israel and assume a much more mature role vis-à-vis God. Here we are told not only to rest but to allow our sons, daughters, slaves, animals and even strangers among us to rest as well. Why? Because we were slaves in the land of Egypt and we know the bitterness of slavery. Therefore, as free people, we must not only never become slaves again, but we cannot enslave others. We have learned the meaning of freedom and we must now extend this gift to others in our charge.
Living in a world where everyone gets a day off and many people enjoy a full weekend, it is easy to forget how radical this message was. At the time the Bible was written, only kings enjoyed leisure. In medieval Europe, serfs worked at the whim of lords, who could grant a holiday now and again, as they chose. In fact, only in the middle of the last century were laws enacted in the U.S. reducing the workweek to six days. The Bible’s message – that everyone was entitled to a full day off every week, that everyone was entitled to live like royalty once a week – was millennia ahead of its time.
The Observance of Shabbat
Getting Ready
Since traditionally one does not cook, clean, or use money on Shabbat, preparations are done beforehand. Fridays are usually all hustle and bustle as meals are prepared, the house is cleaned, children are bathed and dressed, the table is set, and all is made ready for the coming of the metaphoric Shabbat bride.
Shabbat Work
Work on Shabbat, as defined by the rabbis, is not exactly work. The biblical concept of work – melacha – applies to work involving the production, creation, or transformation of an object. Thus, one can carry furniture up and down the stairs of one’s house to one’s heart’s content without violating Shabbat. However, lighting a single match violates Shabbat.
The general categories of work most applicable to modern life and forbidden on Shabbat are: cooking, lighting fires, the use of any electronic devices, driving, handling money, writing, building and fixing, sewing, planting, harvesting, and playing musical instruments.
Many modern Jews (see below) choose to define these categories somewhat differently. Some Jews might choose to play instruments on Shabbat, to garden, or even to write, because they view these activities as enhancing their experience of Shabbat. At the same time, some Jews might choose not to read work-related material, even though doing so does not violate the letter of Shabbat.
Friday Night
The rabbis believed that in order to enter the spiritual dimension of Shabbat one had to begin at the physical level. Thus, Friday evening, we enjoy wine, good food, a beautiful table, and sexual intimacy. Shabbat begins with the lighting of candles, usually by the woman, at the time of sunset. Traditional families attend synagogue before the Sabbath meal; Reform Jews usually eat first and go to synagogue later.
The table is set with the best linen and china, and guests are often invited. (It is important to know that this is custom but not necessity – if the best one can do, on a given week, is order a pizza, but the family is around, and blessings are said, then it is Shabbat all the same.) The meal begins with the singing of Shalom Aleychem, a song welcoming the angels who accompany us on Shabbat. Next, the parents bless the children. This intimate gesture is preserved by many families throughout the adult years of their children. Sadly, we can go a whole week without connecting deeply to our children or spouses; this moment ensures that at least once a week we will do just that. Some families follow this blessings with the singing of Eshet Hayil, A Woman of Valor. Others find this blessing sexist and have found other ways to share blessings between spouses.
The blessing is followed by kiddush over wine or grape juice. Traditionally, men make kiddush but women and men are equally obligated to hear kiddush and in many families today women and men take turns leading the prayer. During kiddush, we do not sanctify the wine or grape juice per se; rather the wine or grape juice is the vehicle through which we sanctify Shabbat.
Kiddush is followed by ritual handwashing and then motzi, the blessing over the bread. It is customary to have two loaves of challah, braided bread, though any bread is acceptable. Once the challah is blessed, the meal is served. The rabbis of the Talmud describe these rituals of the Shabbat table as replacements for the altar rituals of the destroyed Temple.
On Shabbat, it is desirable to elevate one’s table talk and not to engage in the business of the week. Some families invite participants to go around the table and share a blessing from their week. Others discuss the weekly torah portion. There is even a deck of cards available which suggests themes to discuss such as “famous people with whom I would like to dine” or “my favorite Jewish holiday.” Guests linger at the Shabbat table and each meal has special songs that are sung with it. The meal concludes with Grace after Meals. It is a special mitzvah to make love on Shabbat evening.
Saturday Morning
The mood of Shabbat morning is very different than Saturday evening. It shifts from the family to the community, from the physical to the intellectual and reflective. The synagogue service is the centerpiece of Shabbat morning, particularly the reading of the Torah. The Torah is read on a weekly cycle so that it is completed in the course of the year. We hear the same stories year in and year out but we change and as we change our appreciation of the text and texture of the Torah changes as well. Services are followed by Shabbat lunch.
Saturday afternoons, especially on the long summer days, are times of leisure. Because one abstains from doing many things – shopping, using the phone, watching TV, getting on the computer, doing housework – one has the opportunity to engage the world differently. People take walks on Shabbat afternoon, read, play games, study, nap, and find time to be with one another without the distractions of the work week. Some families will study the torah portion together, sometimes in creative ways – performing skits, doing an art project. If you live in a city, there are usually many places one can visit and avoid paying money by becoming members. Our family has memberships at the Botanical Garden, the Museum, and the Zoo – all of which we frequent on Shabbat.
Saturday Afternoon and Evening
As evening approaches the mood becomes more somber. Shabbat is leaving and we long both to linger in its shelter and for the coming of a messianic age when all time will be Shabbat time. A third meal is eaten (in the ancient world people usually ate two meals a day – three was considered luxury) at which more mournful tunes are sung.
At nightfall (when three stars appear in the sky), we make havdalah, separating Shabbat from the rest of the week. This simple, home ceremony is performed over a cup of wine, a braided candle, and sweet spices so that we carry the sweet smell of Shabbat into the week. The braided candle, like the braided challah on Friday night, symbolizes the integration of Shabbat and the week. During the six days of the week we engage with the world – we mend and repair it, make our bread, and earn our livelihood – so that on Shabbat we can sit back and enjoy it all. The week and Shabbat together form an integral whole – each representing different ways of sanctifying our time and the work of our hands.
Contemporary Issues
Many Jews no longer keep Shabbat according to the letter of the law. Some drive, some go out to eat, some only observe Friday night. Is it possible to have a meaningful Shabbat observance without following all the dictates of Shabbat? The answer, I think, is a guarded yes. Most families make decisions about what aspects of Shabbat they will keep and which ones they will not. These decisions range from whether or not to turn lights on and off or walk to synagogue to whether going out to eat or playing soccer or cooking french toast can be part of a meaningful Shabbat observance. I think that these discussions are fruitful ones with which to engage, especially if one is clear about the goal – carving out time for family, friends and community free of the distractions which so often eat up that time. Then what distracts and what enriches become matters of personal choice.
That said, I offer a guarded yes here, for two reasons. The first is that Shabbat is made not only by individuals but by a community. Your decision to cook on Shabbat, for instance, might conflict with the desire of your Shabbat guests not to eat food cooked on Shabbat. One’s own needs and preferences have to be balanced with the norms of the community. The second reasons is that it is truly a slippery slope. One decides to drive to synagogue on Shabbat and then to a friend’s for lunch and suddenly one is also caught in traffic, putting gas in the car, changing a tire, and carrying a wallet; why not stop off and pick up the dry-cleaning too? Of course, one can draw the boundary wherever one likes, but flexible boundaries drawn by oneself are always easier to violate compared to those set from outside (especially if you are carrying your wallet). One can readily lose the spirit of what one has set out to accomplish.
Another modern dilemma is that an American work schedule does not accommodate Shabbat easily. It is difficult to be home before sunset, especially in the winter, and much more difficult to have the food cooked, the house clean and the table set by that hour. And some weeks one is simply not up to the task of preparing an elaborate feast. My advice on this score is that any Shabbat is better than no Shabbat. If you have to start late, so be it. If you have to eat pizza once in a while, better to eat pizza with lit candles and wine, than pizza without Shabbat. I think it is best to begin wherever you can begin, to expand your Shabbat as much as you can, as best you can, and to accommodate reality too. This does not make for a perfect Shabbat; your seeming inconsistency will annoy relatives and friends who think you play fast and loose with tradition, and the solutions are not as easy as they are for denizens of Borough Park and Jerusalem.
A Word for Single Jews
In a nutshell, Shabbat, like all of Judaism, is not meant to be kept alone. The goal is not to find yourself alone in your apartment cut off from phone and email, deprived of the stereo, and lonely. To keep Shabbat as a single Jew is an added challenge and to do so with any success almost certainly requires the presence of a community that is similarly engaged. This is true for all Jews – all of us need the reenforcement of communal norms to maintain a spiritual practice – but particularly so for those who are trying to find their way on their own. And just as families may choose to make some accommodations for birthday parties or soccer games, you may need to make some accommodations to make Shabbat a joyful and not an oppressive experience.
A Final Thought for Parents
For an observant Jew, the reason to keep Shabbat is obvious – it is commanded. Once we step outside that realm, as I have indicated above, life becomes more complex. One important motivation for parents, however, is the fact that Shabbat builds memories, specifically family memories and Jewish memories. If you come back to this practice week after week, it will make a difference for your children. They will look forward to this time, cherish the rituals, and have deeply imprinted memories of what it means to be a Jewish family. As the Jewish community wonders how to maintain itself for the next generation and the next, I can’t think of a better practice.
Rabbi Rona Shapiro
back to top
