Lifecycles

The View From Tradition

A Jewish wedding is the ultimate simcha (happy occasion). In the imagery of the Jewish wedding, bride and groom are royalty, and it is the job of the guests to make them feel as such – they are to be wined and dined, entertained and adored – in short, king and queen for a day.

It is not accidental that the wedding celebration is the most festive of all Jewish occasions. Marriage is traditionally regarded as the cornerstone of Jewish life. Every couple establishes a mikdash me’at, transforming their home into a miniature version of the Temple in Jerusalem, and sanctifying God through their love and commitment to one another and to the Jewish people. God, it is said, since the creation of the world, has busied Himself with arranging marriages, which is, by the way, more difficult for Him than splitting the Red Sea.

The traditional Jewish wedding consists of two parts: kiddushin and nisuin. In talmudic times, kiddushin, or betrothal, usually took place a full year before the wedding nuptials. Kiddushin is the process by which a man acquires a woman as a wife. This acquisition is effected through a gift of a small object, usually a ring. Nisuin are nuptials. In a traditional Jewish wedding, nisuin are the seven joyous wedding blessings, each recited over a full cup of wine.

While the details of the ceremony and all the various parts are spelled out in much greater detail in the relevant articles on the site, a brief overview of traditional wedding terminology is in order:

Chuppah – a canopy, symbolic of the couple’s first home, under which the wedding occurs.

Bedecken – ceremony prior to the huppah in which the groom veils the bride.

Tisch – literally, table. Traditionally, prior to the huppah, the groom would teach torah to his male friends, while they drank and teased him.

See the article on the site on ways modern couples have made this ritual more egalitarian.

Ketubah – The wedding contract. Classically, the contract specifies the husband’s financial obligations to his wife in marriage and divorce.

Again, see the selection of ketubot on this website to learn how couples make this ritual egalitarian.

Changing Traditions

As beautiful as a Jewish wedding is, from a feminist perspective, it is rife with problems. The essence of the ceremony is the groom’s acquisition of the bride, and although the rabbis of the Talmud go out of their way to distinguish this acquisition from the acquisition of other property – a horse or a piece of land – it is nevertheless, just that. Many couples have sought to make this ceremony more egalitarian through the mutual exchange of rings. Others, like feminist theologian Rachel Adler, have argued that this hardly helps the matter since the ceremony itself is still based on the idea of property acquisition, however mutual, and the commodification of human beings. She argues instead for a brit ahava – a covenant of love – expressing the couple’s mutual partnership.

The ketubah, a progressive document for its time, specifies the groom's obligations and protects the bride financially in the event of death or divorce. Although these protections were remarkable innovations when they were instituted in the first century of our era, in our own day, such
paternalism does not reflect ideals of equal partnership.

As the various ceremonies and rituals on the site suggest, couples deal with the issue of inequality in these and other classical wedding rituals in a variety of ways. For some, maintaining tradition is more important than the words themselves. Other couples revise the traditional ketubah and ceremony to make them more egalitarian, while still others create a new ceremony that speaks to their sense of the new realities of marriage.

You will also find articles, blessings, and ceremonies for new occasions that the ancient rabbis did not envision, such as gay and interfaith weddings. Many Jews are striving to create new rituals that sanctify same-sex partnerships in ways that incorporate what is beautiful and meaningful in the time-honored Jewish wedding. We also offer a variety of articles representing different positions on interfaith marriage, along with sample ceremonies.

We hope that you will find the material you are looking for to enhance your wedding or to create your own personal and unique ceremony.

Mazel tov!