Although a person is to be regarded as fully alive, with all the privileges of any living person, until the moment of death, we should nevertheless prepare for that moment long before we reach it.
In addition to medical directives, wills, and personal estates, Judaism invites us to think about our ethical legacy – what have we learned in this life which we would like to impart to our children and grandchildren. Jewish ethical wills have been written and passed on throughout Jewish history. Many people write such a document and revise it over the years.
It is a great mitzvah to visit the sick and to be at the bedside of a dying person. In addition to providing support and comfort, the visitor gets a rare opportunity to face the reality of death head on.
Often, people in the last stages of life go through periods of lucidity and fogginess – even when they seem not to be present. The value of holding a hand or singing softly should not be underestimated. I recall visiting a woman on her deathbed many years ago. I had spoken with her a number of times previously, but on that day she appeared to be utterly vacant. I offered a prayer on her behalf, and prepared to leave. Suddenly her eyes blinked open and she said, “Thank you, Rona. That was beautiful.” I had not even known she was there.
It is traditional to recite the vidui (final confession) at the bed of a dying person. If she is able, she can recite it herself. If not, it can be recited for her. The rabbis, mindful of the reality that the recital of the final confession could scare a person, encouraged the visitor to preface it: “Many have said the vidui and not died, and many have not said the vidui and died.” The text asks God for a full recovery, but voices acceptance for whatever fate awaits. It asks for forgiveness for all sins and transgressions and closes with the Shema, the most well-known Jewish prayer, which expresses God’s oneness.
On ritualwell, you will find examples of ethical wills, a prayer on removing life support, and contemporay renditions of the vidui.
By Rabbi Rona Shapiro
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