Lifecycles

In this day and age, it is likely that someone in your family, even one of the baby’s parents or grandparents, is not Jewish. Assuming that you have made the choice to raise your child as a Jew, I have only one word of advice – include! Include! Include! Make the grandparents feel welcome at the ceremony. Give them a role. If the baby is being named for one of his non-Jewish ancestors, talk about that person publicly. Incorporate elements of the non-Jewish family’s tradition into the ceremony, where appropriate. This could take the form of decorations, a song or prayer, or a special object. If the decision to raise the child as a Jew is clear, then the presence of elements of other traditions need not be threatening. Rather, they represent recognition of the baby’s full heritage.

On the other hand, it is sometimes necessary to stand firm. If the child is being raised as a Jew, then this will be the only welcoming ceremony, and baptism or other rites of passage are not appropriate. As best as you can, you will want to acknowledge the feelings of non-Jewish relatives beforehand and help them with any discomfort they have. On the other hand, that may be more than you can take on. Perhaps there is a friend who could be put in charge of being their “host” for the day, standing with them, listening to their feelings, offering comfort and understanding, so that you do not have to get involved at your simcha.