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When only one partner is present, with the other partner either absent or declining to participate

(In advance of the ceremony, the rabbi should complete the documentation, except for the signatures.)
(Introductory Readings/Offerings may be included at the rabbi’s discretion)

Rabbi: As marriages are confirmed and consecrated through the rituals and language of our spiritual tradition, so too, when we come to the times of the ending of a marriage, we turn to sources of our tradition to provide structure, meaning and support.

Judaism affirms the sanctity of marriage, as well as the hope that two partners who have made a commitment to each other will grow in their relationship throughout their life together.

But Jewish tradition also recognizes that marriages can, and do, sometimes come to an end. This can bring sadness at the end of dreams, plans and hopes, even as such endings may also be times of release and renewal, [and perhaps even relief].

At this time, we ask that you recall the best in yourself and ________________, your (husband/wife/spouse/[life-]partner), and [ the affection/love] [the things] that first brought you together.

May the good things that you shared remain with you, and may the differences that have come between you come to rest.

(The rabbi reads the next section, the participating partner responds)

Do you, _______________________, of your own free will, come here today to release your fomer (husband/wife/spouse/[life-]partner) from the sacred bonds that once bound you  together?

Are you, _______________________, having considered well the decision you have made and the direction you are taking, now prepared to release___________________as your (husband/wife/spouse/ [life-]partner), so that s/he may go freely into life and, if s/he chooses, enter into a new relationship of marriage?

Have you, ______________________, of your own free will, requested that a Jewish document of divorce be prepared on your behalf for presentation to __________________________?

(The rabbi should read aloud the English translation of the document, and the Hebrew as appropriate, and then continue:)

Rabbi: I ask that you now place your signature on these documents of divorce. The Bet Din will sign after you.

(Following the signing, the arrangements for shlichut should be made and documented. The rabbi continues as follows, depending on the circumstances.)

A. If the former spouse cannot be contacted:

Rabbi: Since a good-faith effort has been made to contact your former spouse but we have not been able to do so, you may appoint a shaliach l’kabalah, an agent of receipt, someone who may stand in (her/his) place and receive this document of divorce. When s/he receives it from you, it will be as if it were delivered to your former spouse.

Whom do you appoint as a shaliach l’kabalah? (Response) (The documentation for shlichut should be prepared in advance.)   

B. If the former spouse declines to participate:

Rabbi: Since I have contacted your former spouse but [he/she] has declined to participate in this Jewish divorce proceeding, this Bet Din will appoint a shaliach l’kabalah, an agent of receipt, someone who may stand in (her/his) place and receive this document of divorce. When s/he receives it from you, it will be as if it were delivered to your former spouse.

Rabbi (to the shaliach l’kabalah): Do you, __________________________agree to act as shaliach l’kabalah, standing in the place of ____________________________ and receiving this divorce document on (her/his) behalf, with the understanding that in doing so, you are completing the delivery of the document as if it were being handed directly to ________________________?  (Response) (The documentation for shlichut should be prepared in advance.) 

C1.  If the former spouse is participating but is not present and the former spouse chooses to appoint a shaliach  l’kabala:

Rabbi: Your former spouse has indicated a willingness to participate in this Jewish religious divorce, but is not present. S/he has appointed _______________________as a shaliach l’kabala,  an agent of receipt, someone who may stand in (her/his) place and receive this document of divorce. When s/he receives it from you, it will be as if it were delivered to your former spouse.

Rabbi (to the shaliach l’kabalah): Have you, __________________________agreed to act as shaliach l’kabalah, with the consent, and standing in the place of ____________________________ , receiving this divorce document on (her/his) behalf? (Response) Do you understand that in doing so, you are completing the delivery of the document as if it were being handed directly to ________________________?  (Response) (The documentation for shlichut should be prepared in advance.) 

C2. If the former spouse is participating but is not present and the spouse who is present appoints a shaliach l’holicha:

Rabbi: Since your former spouse has indicated a willingness to participate in this Jewish religious divorce, but is not present, you must appoint a shaliach l’holicha, an agent of delivery, someone who is responsible for assuring the delivery of the document of divorce to your former spouse.

Rabbi (to the shaliach l’holicha): Do you, __________________________, agree to act as shaliach l’holicha, responsible for assuring the delivery of this divorce document to _____________________________? (Response) (The documentation for shlichut should be prepared in advance.) 

(If choosing A or B or C1,  continue here)

The shaliach l’kabalah now prepares to receive the divorce document. Any rings or other hand jewelry should be removed. The rabbi asks the shaliach l’kabalah to stand (in body or spirit), and cup her/his hands together. The participating partner is asked to place gently the divorce document into the cupped hands.

Rabbi: As you place this document into _____________’s hands, it as if you were placing it directly into the hands of __________________, your former husband/wife/spouse/[life-]partner.  Please repeat these words:

“With this document, I release my (husband/wife/spouse/[life-]partner) _____________________. May the good that we shared be with [her/him], and may that which has come between us come to rest.”

(If the couple has children, and circumstances warrant, the rabbi may invite the person to say:)
“Although we no longer live together, we will continue to share the privileges and responsibilities of being parents to our child/children. May we always strive to overcome our differences and act in [his/her/ their] best interest.”

(The rabbi may invite the person to add any other personal words.)

(The shaliach l’kabalah then hands the document back to the rabbi, who cuts the four corners of the document, signifying that each relationship is unique, and that which has been used to mark the end of the relationship therefore cannot be used again.)

If choosing C2, continue here:

Rabbi: As you place this document into the hands of the shaliach l’holicha, please repeat these words:

“With this document, I release my (husband/wife/spouse/[life-]partner) _____________________. May the good that we shared be with [her/him], and may that which has come between us come to rest.”

(If the couple has children, and circumstances warrant, the rabbi may the person to say:
“Although we no longer live together, we will continue to share the privileges and responsibilities of being parents to our child/children. May we always strive to overcome our differences and act in [his/her/ their] best interest.”

(The rabbi should explain that once the former spouse has received the document of divorce, the participants will receive notification and final documentation. If this is an egalitarian divorce, then both partners must be in receipt of their respective documents of divorce in order to finalize the procedures.)

Closing Prayer:

________________________, as you go from this place to walk your own path, we pray that you will be blessed with compassion, understanding, wisdom and perspective.

May you find healing of spirit, and peace of heart and mind.

May you be blessed with the opportunity to build new relationships where love, trust and joy can grow.

M’kor HaHayim, Source of Life, Ha-Rachaman, Source of Compassion, bring peace to __________ and may the futures that lie before [him/her] be filled with blessings. (And we say…Amen)

(The rabbi should make sure that the participant in the divorce receives copies of the documents.)